Silence speaks the loudest
An insiders take on ghosting, rejection and what to do next
💡We’re lucky to have ’s guest post, providing a recruiter’s perspective💡
It's 7:30 a.m. on a Tuesday. Coffee is brewing. You had your final interview last Wednesday, but there has been no response.
You sent a thank you on Tuesday, followed up on Friday, and almost caved into the "quick bump" method yesterday.
Deep down, you know the truth. But you’re still clinging to hope—telling yourself the recruiter’s just “busy,” that any minute now, an email will land:
"Sorry for the delay! Here’s your offer—we’re excited to have you join the team"
But let’s be real—if you were their top choice, you’d know by now.
The silence is your answer.
The Harsh Truth
In reality, they moved on from you the minute the interview ended. You never stood a chance.
But it didn't feel that way, did it?
The recruiter was engaged, optimistic - they made you believe you had a real shot.
After five years of recruiting, I can tell you that many recruiters are more actors than advisors. They put on different masks, building excitement and hope for candidates. (I’ve since shifted to full transparency because this industry needs more of it.)
But for you, assume every recruiter is a well-trained actor playing a role in the movie of their company. The hiring managers and executives are the directors and producers.
The recruiter's job is to ensure that the “show” runs smoothly, meaning that every candidate walks away with a positive perception, regardless of the outcome.
And that’s where the trap is set.
Your rational mind senses the silence. But your emotional mind clings to hope. Intuition whispers the truth, but optimism shouts over it.
It’s tough, but this is where you need to lean into your rational mind. When in doubt, follow this simple equation:
Time Spent With You = Your Value to a Recruiter
Once you're not a top candidate, you're not a priority. It's as simple as that.
At the start of the process, recruiters are warm, chatty, and full of details (good actors). They paint a great picture—what’s next, how exciting the role is, the timeline. It all sounds promising.
Then you have the hiring manager interview. A few days pass. Silence.
That initial excitement? It turns into frustration. Your expectations and reality no longer align.
And that reality? The interview didn’t go as well as you hoped, or they found someone better.
And the recruiter has moved on to the 30 other candidates they're juggling in their pipeline, playing the same role as they played with you.
Emotional vs. Rational Mind—How to Stay in Control
Rejection sucks. I’ve had to deliver bad news to plenty of candidates, and I’ve seen what happens when their rational minds and emotional pain collide—it drags them down harder than they deserve.
And the weight doesn’t stop there. If you’re in a tough work situation (or unemployed), the pressure is relentless. You’re not just job searching—you’re carrying the weight of your entire situation while trying to perform in interviews.
But if you're not aware, this cycle becomes your reality:
You get rejected. It stings. You overanalyze what went wrong.
Doubt creeps in. You start questioning yourself, your skills and your worth.
It affects your energy. You carry hesitation and frustration into the next interview.
Hiring managers pick up on it. You sound unsure, over-explain, or seem too eager.
You get rejected again. The cycle repeats—and each time, it hits harder (and gets harder to overcome)
I call this the job search abyss. You're on a hamster wheel running nowhere, running out of energy and time. It's truly heartbreaking to see - many folks in this place are extremely talented. But no one can see the talent deep down in the abyss.
If this is you, you need to shift your mindset from “my life is on the line” to “I’m just playing the game.”
The best candidates don’t treat each interview like a do-or-die moment. They show up, take their shot, and move on. They're quick to detach, don't take anything personally, and treat it like a game.
Below is a playbook to help you do the same
The Playbook For Moving On Like a Pro
Default to detachment
If they haven’t responded in 5+ days, assume it’s a no. Honestly, assume it's a no after the interview has concluded, regardless of what they say or how well you think you did.
The worst thing you can do is sit around and wonder how it went.
Where attention goes, energy flows.
If all your attention is going to speculating about something you have no control over, two things happen:
You're widening the gap between your expectations and reality
You're losing time spent on finding other opportunities.
And when the inevitable happens, you're crushed emotionally AND your pipeline of opportunities dries up from sitting around and wondering.
This is an energetic game, a test of your mental capacity and ability to shrink the gap between information and action.
It's also a numbers game. The more opps you have, the more confident you feel. The fewer opps you have, the more anxiety and worry creep in.
Don't Take Anything Personally
Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements has a simple but powerful rule: "Don’t take anything personally."
Nowhere is this truer than in recruiting.
Your job is highly personal — it shapes your life, your skills, and your paycheck.
But on the other side is a business.
Companies exist to grow, optimize, and generate revenue. Their only goal in hiring is to find someone who adds value.
If that’s you, you’re a priority. If not, you’re not. Plain and simple.
Burn this into your brain: their decision to not move forward with you has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with what the business needs (read that again).
Lock this into your mindset, and not only will you have more peace, but ironically, you’ll start showing up in interviews with the kind of energy that actually gets you hired.
See It As a Game
In my opinion, sales is the most important skill to develop. Everyone sells.
You sell when you're negotiating a raise.
You sell when you're convincing your co-worker to go to happy hour.
You sell when your dog won't come inside and you yell the word "treat".
Everything is sales, and sales is a game.
And a job search is sales, the ultimate game of sales. You're selling yourself. What a privilege.
To play the game well, you must shift from a victim mentality to a game theory mentality. And the best gamers lean into agency and discard the slightest potential of stagnation and speculation. You can’t worry if you’re in motion, and motion produces results.
Victim: "Man, I hope this interview goes well"
Gamer: no time to worry because they're researching the company and role
Victim: "I wonder how that went"
Gamer: no time to think about how it went, they have another interview that afternoon they're prepping for while sending 10 LinkedIn connection requests to other prospects
Victim: "Man, I didn't get the job"
Gamer: Glad it didn't get it, wasn't the right fit, just avoided disaster and moved closer to finding the right fit.
Spot the difference?
To help gamify this process, treat each interview as a rep, not a do-or-die moment.
The biggest paradox you'll experience if you embody this mindset: the minute you let go of needing an offer, you actually start interviewing better.
Remember the topic around "recruiters are actors"?
So are you. The question is, are you playing the role of a victim or the role of a gamer?
Quick Recap to Conclude
Recruiters are actors, and so are you
Lean into your rational mind vs. your emotional optimism
Detach quickly and don't take anything personally
The job search is a game (one you can get good at)
Drop below or share some further insights you're curious about, let's keep the conversation going!
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Great article, Eric! Thank you for sharing. Lots of excellent advice and reminders.